People are hardwired to love. From infancy, we show a desire, a fundamental need, to be loved and nurtured. Countless sonnets, plays, books, movies, and songs espouse the glories of love and decry the heartbreak it can cause. These works romanticize obsessive love. But they can keep you from experiencing fulfillment and balance in real life—leaving you vulnerable to symptoms of obsessive love disorder.
What is Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD)?
What is obsession in love? Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD) is a psychological condition that presents as an overwhelming, obsessive desire to protect and possess another person. Often an inability to accept rejection further contributes to an unhealthy love relationship.
Healthy relationships are caring and supportive environments where individuals can grow and thrive. Obsessive love is more about control and extreme thoughts and behavior.
Health professionals do not widely diagnose OLD. It doesn’t appear in the American Psychiatric Association’s “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.” But obsessive love can signal other mental health challenges. The specific causes are difficult to pinpoint, but many psychologists agree certain risk factors increase a person’s chance of having obsessive love.
Risk Factors for Developing Obsessive Love Disorder Include:
- Neglect: Childhood neglect can hinder a person’s ability to form healthy attachments later in life. Neglect can create anxiousness, insecurity, or possessiveness surrounding relationships, which can worsen obsessive love disorder symptoms.
- Abuse: Past physical or emotional abuse can result in long-term feelings of emptiness and pain. Obsessive love disorder symptoms seem to be a way to cope with a void created by past trauma.
- Low Self-Esteem: Persistent feelings of worthlessness or lacking a solid sense of self can cause a person to blur boundaries to feel loved and exhibit the signs of obsession in a relationship.
- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): This mental health disorder impacts how you think and feel about yourself and others. It causes problems functioning in everyday life. It includes self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and unstable relationships. With BPD, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability. You also may have difficulty tolerating being alone. It’s the most common disorder that co-occurs with Obsessive Love Disorder.
- Erotomania: This rare delusional disorder may cause a person to believe that a specific person is their destiny. Obsessive love can intensify delusions of healthy or non-existent relationships.
- Attachment Disorder: Insecure attachment styles develop during childhood, such as anxious-avoidant attachment and anxious-preoccupied attachment. They can make people feel as if the “other shoe” is constantly about to drop. This feeling can cause obsessive and controlling behavior in relationships.
- Obsessional Jealousy: Often associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder, this condition is characterized by intrusive, obsessive thoughts that your partner may be unfaithful or engaging in infidelity. This leads you to seek constant reassurance as you compulsively check on your partner.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: People with OCD can develop a condition called “Relationship OCD.” Relationship OCD symptoms are characterized by obsessive thoughts and behaviors toward their relationship.
Symptoms of Obsessive Love Disorder
Since experts link Obsessive Love Disorder to other, more widely-known mental health disorders, it can be challenging to diagnose. Also, symptoms may vary for different people.
Obsessive Love Disorder Symptoms Include:
- Overwhelming attraction to one person
- Possessive thoughts and actions
- Intense preoccupation with a relationship
- Threatening the other person if they leave
- Extreme jealousy
- Repeated messaging via text, email, or phone calls
- Monitoring the other person’s actions
- Inability to tolerate time away for a person
- Blurring or crossing boundaries
- Anxiety
- Falling in love quickly with new acquaintances
- Controlling behavior
Love or Obsession: What’s the Difference?
When you’re in a relationship or have feelings for someone, how can you tell if it’s truly love or obsession? After all, when you meet someone you think is really special, you may describe the feeling as infatuation or being head over heels. Is this normal or concerning?
Love is a complex emotion, describes the American Psychological Association. It involves strong feelings of connection and tenderness, devotion to the other person’s well-being, pleasure in their presence, and sensitivity to their reactions to you. While you may be infatuated with someone early on, you eventually transition into love, which is associated with passion, intimacy and commitment.
However, obsession towards someone is more about meeting your own needs instead of caring for and supporting the needs of the other person. Your feelings may skew towards anxiety and fear about losing them. Often you get possessive, jealous, and controlling of the other person instead of aiding in their own growth and being willing to compromise. If you can relate to this experience, then there’s a good chance that you’re showing the signs of obsession in a relationship, not love.
Treatment for Obsessive Love Disorder
The treatment plan for Obsessive Love Disorder focuses on the individual person, considering numerous factors. Customized plans address the underlying causes of your obsessive thoughts and feelings.
Treatment for Obsessive Love Disorder Symptoms May Include:
- Avoiding Contact With the Other Person: One of the first steps toward healing is to cut off all possible ties with the person associated with your obsession. This rule includes social media, texting, and phone contact.
- Staying Busy: Focus your energy on hobbies, exercise, or relationships with family and friends.
- Practicing Mindfulness: This helps raise awareness of moments when you begin obsessive thinking so you can focus on the present instead of letting these thoughts take over. This mindfulness can help you create healthy habits.
- Therapy: There is no shame in seeking professional help for mental health issues. This treatment allows you to get expert advice and proper medical treatment.
- Medication: Your doctor may recommend antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, or mood stabilizers in conjunction with other treatment.
Overcoming Obsessive Love Disorder with Integrative Life Center
Displaying obsessive love toward someone does not mean you don’t love them. But it can create significant barriers to building a healthy relationship. Integrative Life Center offers a variety of treatments for co-occurring and mental health disorders, as well as intimacy disorders. If you or a loved one identify with Obsessive Love Disorder symptoms and are ready to seek help, contact us today.
