A major roadblock to achieving long-term healing from sex addiction is always shame. Even when you stop any compulsive sexual behavior, shame can still linger. This keeps you stuck in isolation and secrecy, preventing full, lasting recovery. However, shame doesn’t need to hold you back from reclaiming your healthy, authentic self. Overcoming shame can be done, and by doing so, you can strengthen your recovery.
Shame’s Role in Sex Addiction
According to the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM), shame is an emotion caused by a sense of embarrassment about yourself. You struggle with believing the thought that you are inherently bad based on something you did. In the context of sex addiction, you may feel shame about your addictive behaviors, especially when these behaviors are in conflict with your values and morals.
You may feel shame due to the fact that you couldn’t control your sexual actions. At the same time, you may think something is deeply wrong with you based on your struggles. Without overcoming shame, your self-esteem and view of your own worth can rapidly decline, leading to continuing your addictive behavior as a way to cope. And the stigmas surrounding sex addiction and discussing sexual struggles may only drive you into further shame.
When You Don’t Overcome Shame in Recovery
Shame is a learned response, not a reflection of you you really are. Yet when you don’t understand this in the treatment process, it can interfere with your sex or porn addiction recovery. Your shame may prevent you from seeking help and connection from sex or porn addiction support groups, for example, or even from your own community.
Without overcoming shame, you may isolate yourself from others as you feel unworthy or inadequate. These feelings, combined with a lack of social support, can act as triggers that lead to sex or porn relapse. Engaging in hypersexual behaviors may be used to help you cope with any negative feelings you have as a result of your shame. And the shame you have from any unresolved past trauma (such as adverse childhood experiences or ACEs) may continue to play a role in exacerbating these negative feelings and addiction triggers.
Overcoming Shame Exercises to Practice in Sex Addiction Recovery
So what do you do to learn how to overcome shame from sex addiction along your recovery journey? It’s important to know that there’s no magic formula. It’s also something you can’t rise above in just a few hours (or days). With patience, intentionality, and ongoing support, however, you can overcome shame from your sex addiction in time. Here are some overcoming shame exercises you can practice to help loosen the grip of shame in your life:
Understand Shame as a Feeling
Overcoming shame requires you to first see it for what it truly is: a feeling, not a fact about yourself. When feelings and thoughts of shame arise in the future, your ability to recognize them and remind yourself that they don’t define you will reduce their influence.
Let Go of Negative Beliefs About Yourself
You may tend to shift towards unhealthy, improper thinking about yourself. Perhaps you say things like, “I’m a failure,” or “I’m a terrible person,” which often leads to shame. Rather than believing these statements, learn to let them go. Sure, you’ve made mistakes, but are taking steps to change.
Practice Patience and Self-Compassion
Overcoming shame and achieving sobriety is a process. You may take steps forward and then have a setback. It’s important to be patient with yourself in recovery. At the same time, having compassion for yourself will keep you from the negative beliefs that lead to unhealthy behaviors.
Work Toward Your Future Goals
Instead of dwelling on your past (which may cause shame), learn to prioritize the direction you’re headed in the future. As you think about the goals you want to accomplish in recovery, it will give you renewed purpose, self-respect, and meaning—keeping shame at bay.
Seek Therapy
It’s important to have a safe space to process your shame. That’s why partnering with a CSAT therapist or sex addiction treatment program can be a helpful step in overcoming shame and developing shame resilience. And joining a support group can help you connect with peers and normalize your feelings.
Spend Time With Others
Stepping out of isolation can help you learn how to overcome shame. This means pursuing healthy relationships in your life and seeking support from your community. Your friends and loved ones can remind you that your struggles are not a reflection of who you are.
Overcoming Shame and Sex Addiction at Integrative Life Center
If you’re ready to overcome shame and pursue sex addiction recovery, we can help at Integrative Life Center in Nashville, TN. Using a holistic addiction treatment approach, we directly address the root causes of sex addiction and help you learn to reclaim your life from both compulsive behavior and shame. To learn more about our sex addiction treatment program, contact us today.
If you’re unsure whether you have a sexual addiction, take our short, free assessments for the clarity you need to seek help:
